Basal Ganglia Read online

  The lips.

  The light.

  Then loneliness.

  In this crib, the room contorted beneath the lamplight’s gaze. The light removed familiarity and replaced it with danger. His body responded to confusing messages uttered by the contorted environment, telling him sleep must come. Sleep must take today’s life and leave you helpless. Rollo feared the room around him, but feared surrendering himself to the room much more.

  His blankets were tucked so tightly only seizures of movement would convince them to yield. When Rollo managed this, he burrowed beneath the blankets, remaining awake and hidden from sight. The world was different beneath the blankets. In the presence of such danger, this small gesture calmed him. The space was intimate and unique. It was his and granted entry to no one else. When he was not there, the space stopped existing.

  Consumed in this world of blankets, Rollo remained awake, assured in the knowledge when sleep finally stole him, it would not be by choice. Of course… sleep always stole him, sooner or later. He would wake each morning tucked tight by loving hands. Hands that assumed his position beneath the blankets a mistake that needed correcting.

  Night’s inherent danger evolved to mean many things to Rollo as his age and awareness grew. No matter the evolution, the central concern remained devoted to extending the limbo. Sleep remained an enemy. Waking life was a composition of the self, performed with certainty. Sleep signaled a pause in the composition and became free improvisation performed by the subconscious. This was a performance refusing to pay attention to any malignance that wished Rollo harm.

  Waking life, although preferable to sleep, became a source of fear all its own. As Rollo accumulated more worldly experience, he saw the pernicious hue of infancy’s lamplight gaze draped across every facet. Each day held within it, just below the stretched skin, threat and harm. It occurred to Rollo sleep did not introduce danger into the world. The danger was always there. The limbo between wake and sleep allowed Rollo to stay both alert and protected.

  …

  A child builds a fort for many reasons. Common to most children is a drive to understand a world dictated by them. Within the walls of these basic structures are eruptions of imagination. A blanket draped over two chairs transcends its constitution, becoming limitless. It is a structure that garners meaning via the hands that build it. The eyes that behold it.

  Rollo’s nighttime reveries soon oriented themselves toward the simple notion of a pillow fort. He would gather and form what to him were grandiose strongholds. His bedroom became a blanketed womb mapped with tunnels and nooks. It went beyond a familiar childhood pastime and became a statement of intent. The structure longed to break free of Rollo’s bedroom and consume the entire house. Within the heart of this shambolic architecture resided Rollo himself. Whenever his presence was not required elsewhere, he was in his fort.

  School was important to Rollo. He was able to absorb many practical and theoretical worlds of experience that could benefit forts of the future. His hands were blessed with natural aptitude, able to solve puzzles of construction with detached dexterity. His mind was capable of deciphering the language of computation and engineering. The school environment was a source of potential danger that was outweighed by the skills it provided. Divorced from social concepts, his mind was given permission to focus on selfish improvement. His avenues of study extended far beyond the limited curricula students were expected to abide by. The structured imposition of learning was enslaved to equality, almost scornful of those who had hungrier minds.

  Fellow students formed indistinct patterns Rollo had no interest in. The students in turn regarded Rollo with confusion and unnamable fury. In groups people devolve and subsume into a malignant mass. The mass distills into collective will guided by the lowest common denominator. The mass exhibits the fury of its most furious. The confusion of its most confused. Negativity swells and bucks, growing with the ease of weeds, choking out individual traits into voiceless morsels, pathetic and weak. This mass feared what the possibility of Rollo said about them. Rollo, without casting a thought in their direction, had stripped each one beyond nudity and revealed the weakness beneath the skin. The horror of being ordinary. In their ordinariness, they combined to become something less than ordinary. As one, they wore fear as courage and directed increasing disdain toward Rollo. The atmosphere was thick with jealousy and self-doubt, but Rollo never noticed. There were more important things in which to direct his concern.

  Ingrid existed as a part of Rollo long before he became aware of her. She was often a member of the spiteful mass and knew she became a part of it with too much ease. When removed from the jumble she felt enriched, as if participation in the collective will diluted her as a person. Who was this Rollo that inspired so much weak rage? She moved in cycles of knowing and unknowing. Figuring the peculiar boy out and finding larger questions within her solutions.

  Ingrid divorced the mass when she could no longer cope with the weakness it made her feel. In this gesture, she inspired a lesser form of disdain from the mass. Rollo’s existence drained too much of the disdain’s resources to attend to Ingrid in a satisfying way. Unencumbered, she watched Rollo through her own eyes. It became important for Ingrid to understand who this boy was and why he inspired so much jealousy and fear. He was someone immersed in his own trajectory and whatever it was, there was an aura of importance surrounding it.

  This clandestine dynamic persisted for some time before Ingrid felt compelled to introduce her presence to Rollo’s trajectory. She engaged. He accepted and returned the engagement.

  “Hi,” said Ingrid. “I’d like to introduce myself. My name is Ingrid.”

  Rollo stared into her eyes, trying to understand what it was they conveyed. In possession of new feeling beyond words. Feeling that could only be understood via feeling.

  “Hi, Ingrid,” said Rollo. “My name is Rollo. It is nice to meet you.”

  They found words to share and became connected to each other. Rollo extracted a portion of himself and gifted it to Ingrid. She held it close and in turn allowed Rollo a portion of her. They nursed this portion of the other, allowing it to bloom within them. What they shared felt more than love. Their hearts pumped each other’s blood.

  When Ingrid was first introduced to Rollo’s bedroom fort, she intuited its importance. This was more than a structure that Rollo sought refuge in. This was a manifestation of all Rollo was. He had erected his own heart and invited her inside. The knowledge Rollo had dredged from life was directed here. Understanding the danger her presence in the fort might represent, she embraced Rollo and became another blanket in which he could hide. He turned in exploratory tumbles before swimming to her depths, where safety existed in untold abundance.

  …

  The intimacy of pre-sleep’s limbo exists in its vulnerability. It is fed by solitude and grows with exploration of the reflexive self. Rollo handed Ingrid an invitation to his personal space. Rollo did not need to explain himself to Ingrid. When light became dark, she was waiting at the fort’s core. He saddled up behind her and shuddered with the unknown. In their silence, he could hear the thud of another’s heart, the exhalation of gentle breath. The limbic screech of colliding thoughts. In this space Rollo knew his safety was tied to the beautiful creature pressed against him. Their future was bound. His cells were merging with hers.

  Each night, separate from any reality expected of them, the two would float through the pre-sleep limbo. They added further burrows to the bedroom fort and moved through them like blood through veins. Rollo became aware of Ingrid’s thoughts merging with his. He would voice thoughts originating in Ingrid that had not yet been spoken, believing them to be his own. Rollo understood Ingrid was now in possession of his thoughts too.

  Ingrid and Rollo. Start. End. Circular movements. Spun on the same spool and blending their threads into something stronger. Individual fears set aside for shared fear. The limbo pushed away everything unbound to them.

  School’
s hateful mass continued to engorge and longed for a tangible manifestation of their disdain toward Rollo. He had not dwindled beneath them. He punished the mass by thriving in spite of them. A representative approached Rollo, blocking his movement, ensuring the mass would not be ignored. This collision startled Rollo. Who were these people and what was their business with him? The hands of another, shaking with physical violence, held him in place. How could such nameless hate exist? He motioned to move forward, the dreadful hands overwhelming him. These hands were not just owned by one hateful boy. They were owned by one seething, hateful mass. He was reminded of the hands that left him alone in the crib of his infancy. What right did uninvited hands have upon another person?

  Ingrid, ensnared by a different set of hateful hands, was pulled from Rollo’s side. Their thoughts telling the other to remain calm. She fought against the hands, but they possessed a strength she did not. Rollo turned to help Ingrid. Ingrid turned to help Rollo. Both turned away from helping themselves. One of the hands holding Rollo balled into a shaking fist and, with horrific efficiency, introduced the concept of deliberate pain to his body. Again. Again. Parts of his structure were breaking and voiding. Ingrid lunged toward the fist. Her lunge was truncated before she could help. Her body was pulled in the opposite direction, bleeding into the asphalt. A heavy foot pressed her in place while the wheezing pain of Rollo escaped him, too blunt to resonate.

  The mass had fed. Rollo was left to fall beside Ingrid. They writhed toward the other’s pain and found the sustenance of embrace. They both thought such terrible things. They both agreed on a course of action. It was the only future that had ever made sense. They had so much work to do and there was no one else capable of doing it. The world around them was a ferocious storm of endless danger.

  Anatomy of the Fort

  On a logistical level, the development of the pillow fort is one of incalculable complexity. From genesis to conclusion, the construction process, which in some ways defies any sense of true conclusion, took 25 years and was executed by Rollo and Ingrid alone. It was developed without the aid of a plan; rather it branched naturally from a central core.

  The geographic location of the fort was chosen at random from a selection of several unfrequented areas. The absence of topographic choice lowers the risk of the fort’s discovery, which Rollo cites as an added security measure. The unknown nature of the locale minimizes Potential Premeditated Predatory Activity (PPPA). PPPA considerations dictated the fort should reside underground and construction work should commence from a central core deep enough below the earth to reach a parent rock soil horizon. Construction branching from the central core should not extend above the illuviated subsoil layer, which allowed for a protective tunnel separating the surface from the entrance of the fort.

  Rollo christened the central core ‘The Cerebellum,’ which inspired a naming convention consistent with brain anatomy. 25 years of construction resulted in a series of eight distinct areas (including the cerebellum) encased in a dura mater-inspired outermost layer. High quality linen materials were used wherever possible during the construction process – a characteristic that has maintained. It is assumed, for reasons related to structural integrity, linen is not the only construction material used. However, it is the only material visible.

  What follows is a breakdown of the fort’s chambers including their essential function.

  MEDULLA SHAFT

  The Medulla shaft runs the length of the fort and concludes at the deepest level of the earth surrounded by a hollow. It is the only component that penetrates the dura mater layer with one end connecting the fort to the surface and the other used to eliminate waste, which is broken down with the aid of a biological acidic agent in a polder-lined hollow. It is the primary arterial when moving from chamber to chamber and the only component predating the construction of the Cerebellum Chamber. It is analogous to a hallway and used to maximize airflow that enters the fort via a series of vents that circuitously stretch toward hollows near the earth’s surface. It sits at a 33 degree angle, which allows for easy navigation.

  THE CEREBELLUM CHAMBER

  Located toward the base of the fort, the Cerebellum Chamber was the first built and is considered the structure’s mainframe. During the construction, Rollo and Ingrid developed the techniques necessary to ensure all branching chambers could be built. A highly developed understanding of pre-electronic analog computing allowed Rollo to fill this chamber with a gear-driven calculation device. Modeled on a steamless version of the analytical engine, the analog computation abilities of Rollo’s device relays atmospheric information within all chambers to a series of punch card readings, which are then converted to numeric values. These readings can be used as an early warning system by revealing potential faults in the fort’s architecture before they occur. This device has been credited with preventing the occurrence of any serious structural damage from forming. In the absence of any known threat, it cannot be determined if this credit is warranted. All operational functions on Rollo’s device must be performed by hand as human exertion is its only known fuel source.

  THE OCCIPITAL CHAMBER

  Due to the growth of a luminescent schistostega pennata moss, the Occipital Chamber is the source of all light in the fort. The origin of the light this moss reflects is unknown and the intensity of the luminescence far exceeds other examples of the species. Despite attempts to plant the moss in other chambers, it has been unable to thrive. Once removed from the surface on which it grows, the moss maintains its luminescence for some time, albeit at a lesser intensity. This allows for the illumination of the other chambers, however the moss must be replaced regularly. When necessary, the schistostega pennata can be used as a food source – this is avoided where possible. Via the careful placement of mirrored plates, the Occipital Chamber also serves as the fort’s panopticon. All other chambers in the fort are visible from this chamber as long as vision occurs at the appropriate angle. The threat of Potential Unmediated Predatory Activity (PUPA) is contained via regular surveillance from this chamber.

  THE PARIETAL CHAMBER

  Conceived as a workshop, the Parietal Chamber is where all functional items of convenience are constructed and/or fixed. Residual luminescence from the neighboring Occipital Chamber allows for a light level that has the psychological effect of maximizing tactile ability and diminishing physical signs of fatigue. The highly specific conditions within the Parietal Chamber ensure it is also utilized as an infirmary should the need arise, which given the low risk of pathogenic infiltration is rare.

  THE CENTRAL SULCUS EMERGENCY TUNNEL

  This emergency tunnel separates the Parietal and Frontal chambers and was conceived as a panic room. In the event of a security breach, this area can be locked down, protecting anyone within. It is capable of dispersing infectious spores that will be distributed throughout all surrounding chambers incapacitating potential risks. Functionality of this process is purely theoretical as, to date, no such infiltration has occurred. In the event of this system’s failure, the spores have been selected to merely incapacitate those that come into contact with it. The effect lasts an estimated 48 hours, in which time infiltrators must be removed from the fort. The Central Sulcus Emergency Tunnel is also used as a storage area and acts as an alternate means of access to all but the Cerebellum Chamber.

  THE FRONTAL CHAMBER

  Since the completion of the Frontal Chamber, it has rarely been used in any functional capacity. The reasons are ambiguous beyond Ingrid citing the presence of negative residual energy she believes could be harmful. Although not outwardly susceptible to this potential energy, Rollo has abided by Ingrid’s request. Particular ambiguity surrounds knowledge regarding what this energy is a residue of and if it actually exists. Was it present beneath the earth prior to the fort’s construction, or did Rollo and Ingrid introduce it? Whatever the answers may be, the questions ceased being asked long ago and avoiding the Frontal Chamber is now abided by without reflection. Generic maint
enance duties have been performed in this chamber when necessary.

  THE PREFRONTAL CHAMBER

  The Prefrontal Chamber could be described as the living quarters. All food prepared within the fort is consumed here. This is also the chamber where Rollo and Ingrid sleep. Experiments sleeping in other chambers have resulted in unusual psychological disturbances. Atmospheric readings from the Prefrontal Chamber are markedly different from the others and remain relatively static. It is not known why the properties inherent in the atmosphere here are conducive to psychological stability, or at least what Rollo and Ingrid consider psychological stability to be. Of all chambers in the fort, the Prefrontal Chamber is the only one Rollo and Ingrid occupy at the same time with regularity. The closest ties to standard notions of domesticity reside here.

  THE SYLVIAN GROUNDWATER IRRIGATION FISSURE

  The Irrigation Fissure channels surrounding groundwater deposits into three cisterns that sit between the dura mater layer and the fort’s chambers. Each cistern collects water of different mineral and temperature properties and distributes them via bamboo piping when a manual faucet is activated. The system was developed by Ingrid and is maintained by Rollo. The properties of the different water sources are naturally determined within the earth. Water obtained from the earth surrounding the southwestern area of the fort (toward the Cerebellum Chamber) has a tendency to be warm (with an average temperature of 88 degrees Fahrenheit) and perfect for bathing purposes. Remaining water sources are much cooler and used for all other purposes. The bamboo piping is routed through the base of the Medulla Shaft so as to utilize the pre-existing dura mater penetration without the need for further penetration. Grey water is treated with an acidic powder derived from deliberately spoiled food and disposed of via the base of the Medulla Shaft where it breaks down the fort’s waste matter. The gas that results from the breakdown of this waste matter is released via a series of vents and absorbed into the earth.